These People Are Revealing Their Most Awkward and Uncomfortable Experiences With Celebrities

1. Never Meet Your Heroes

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For many people, meeting their celebrity idols would be the greatest aspiration in the world. if only you could have that much proximity to greatness.

But it's not always actually a good idea to meet those you idolize - as they might not turn out to be how you imagined them in your deepest fantasies.

In fact, sometimes they're just downright awful.

2. Tim Curry

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Not a big confrontation, but stil funny. My parents were at Costco buying groceries in LA when they saw Tim Curry in the checkout line.

They were quietly trying to see what he was buying (to tell stories about it later,) so my dad casually walks by his cart, pretending to put back some cashews or something.

He got a look in his cart, and all Tim Curry had in the cart were about a dozen boxes of frozen crab cakes. Just crab cakes, nothing else.

My dad turns back around to report back to my mom, and happens to get a look at him.

Tim Curry was just staring my dad down, not saying anything, just looking at him because he knew what my dad was doing and he was not in the mood.

So my dad, in a panic, says loudly "I love shelfish" then awkwardly walks back to my mom at the cart. Says nothing else until they leave the store.

Brownie_scout

3. Bill Murray

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I swapped spit with Bill Murray. When I was a toddler we went to a Saint Paul Saints game.

Bill Murray was there with a bunch of press for some reason that I am unaware of.

He happened to encounter my mother holding me, and in a very Bill Murray way he took the pacifier out of my mouth and popped it into his mouth.

The press laughed and I, apparently, in a huff, ripped it out of his mouth and put it back into mine. Ta-da.

Dr_Wreck

4. Chris Brown

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I met Chris Brown the exact day he beat up Rihanna.

He was actually pretty nice, so we were shocked when we heard later that day that he was currently being searched for by the police.

montanachill

5. Adam West

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I was at a horror convention years ago, where Adam West was one of the guests. As I was coming back in from outside the convention center, I noticed he was leaving so I held open the door for him.

"Have a good evening, Mister West!" I said.

He turned around, rolled his eyes, and snorted "Whatever."

This royally pissed me off. So I responded, without thinking "Wow, you're a prick!"

He turned back to me, and growled in that Adam West voice "Go to Hell!"

Yeah, Batman told me to go to Hell.

DocFreudstein

6. Alan Rickman

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Essentially I was in a hotel and met Alan Rickman.

This was a few years back, when the 6th book was out, and as he was signing an autograph for me, he asked if I finished the book.

Starstruck, I said yes, even though I wasn't. He then says "Oh, so I guess you know that I'm the half-blood prince, huh?" My jaw dropped.

I had Snape Personally reveal his true identity to me.

montanachill

7. Emeril Lagasse

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One of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

I met Emeril Lagasse. I saw him at a shopping mall for some kind of promotional thing he was doing there.

I passed by and was looking at him and I ran straight into this big camera.

It fell over and everybody just stared at me.

Emeril came over and was really pissed, he was all red in the face and asked me why I ran into the camera.

Nobody around seemed to notice he was being a huge douche. I told him it was an accident but he just told me to get out of there before I caused anymore trouble.

Easily the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. When I see him on TV it makes me cringe and I have to change the channel.

Habeas

8. Wayne Newton

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I was in Las Vegas with my family waiting to walk across Tropicana Blvd when my step-mother became impatient and just jaywalked amidst afternoon traffic.

A Rolls-Royce came screeching to a halt, and inside was a smiling Wayne Newton who waived us to cross and insisted on waiting.

The guy must be immune to a**holes.

9. Barrack Obama

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I was at an Obama rally back in August of 2007. We were at Florida A&M, in a smallish gym.

We had shaken Obama's hand and talked to him a bit, and ended up following him back behind the barricade, talking to him.

He ended up hugging us and all this stuff, but security was not too keen on it so they asked us to move.

Obama climbs up on the bleachers to take a picture with the band.

Security ends up pushing me to move on the other side of the barricade (not hard, but it was crowded), and I fell forward.

I reached up to grab the first thing to stop my fall. It was Barack Obama's ass cheek. He laughed.

10. Pauly Shore

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I was waiting tables at a nice restaurant when Pauley Shore came in and sat in my section with his entourage.

I waited on him and at one point I had spilled some mustard on the table and Pauley said, "Duuude. You spilled the muuuuustard!"

And yes, he was stoned off his gourd.

drew1111

11. Prince

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My grandfather owned a large scale electronics store, that often rented concert equipment.

Prince's manager came in the store asking to be helped in front of all these people who were waiting in line. The manager was apparently so annoying that,...

manager: HELLO isn't anyone going to help me? grandpa: there are plenty of people in line in front of you

manager: yes, well I represent prince grandpa: I don't care who Prince is, I'm the king. the end.

12. Shaq

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My aunt, who has never watched a game of basketball, met shaq in an elevator when he was at the peak of his career. Her son is one of the biggest lakers fans and she kind of recognized his face. This was their conversation:

Aunt: Aren't you famous? Shaq: Haha you could say that.

Aunt: Can I get your autograph? Shaq: If you can guess my name.

She never got that autograph.

Eritrean_Redditor

13. Mike Myers

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I had a friend from out of state swinging through town and we met in NYC for lunch and a couple of drinks.

We are eating at the bar and I see further down that Mike Myers (Snl, Austin Powers, etc) is at the other end of the bar watching a soccer game on the television and drinking a beer.

I had never encountered a celebrity before, and didn't want to be some obtrusive asshole.

But prior to paying our tab I walked over and said "hey Mike, I'm a big fan, can I buy you a beer?"

And without even turning to look at me he says " I can afford my own drinks a**hole, save your money for my next movie".

I stood there speechless for a second and embarassedly turned back to my spot at the bar, we paid our tab and split without saying a word. I really felt like a d**k head, haha.

14. John Cleese

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My dad and I were in London one day, I think we'd been to a museum, I was about 9, maybe 10.

We decided to get a cab to a restaurant because I didn't like the confined trains. So as we hail a cab, another gentleman about 4 feet away from us does the same.

I turn to my dad and say "Look, it's the man from Fawlty Towers", low and behold, it was John Cleese in the flesh.

He was very courteous and insisted that we take the taxi.

I also told him that I was a big fan of Fawlty Towers, despite it being made some 20 years before I was born to which he replied "just don't mention the war".

melonballerf

15. John Williams

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John Williams almost ran me over with a car when I was crossing the road to go to a Boston Pops concert he was conducting.

It was f**king awesome.

thyyoungclub

16. Bam Margera

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I used to manage a Spencer's Gifts in an upscale mall in PA. Bam Margera and his crew came in on a very slow weekday.

One of his guys asks at me to close the store so Bam can shop without being hassled (out of earshot of Bam).

I politely informed the guy that we don't close the store for anyone.

The guy gets loud and in my face threatening to call my bosses and get me fired...and this guy was really big and intimidating.

About 20 seconds into his loud ranting I suddenly see a fist come out of nowhere and drop the guy. It was Bam. He very calmly told the guy, who was now streaming obscenities and trying to pick himself off the floor, to shut the f**k up and wait outside.

He then profusely apologized and continued shopping while the rest of his crew laughed their asses off. He bought a few shock pens and a few t-shirts.

My opinion of Bam changed that day dramatically from negative to positive.

17. Leonard Nimoy

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Have you ever opened a door at the exact moment someone else was about to do the same thing on the other side and bashed their head in?

My mom did this to Leonard Nimoy.

rebelcupcake

18. Mark Hamill

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My dad owned a liquor store in Malibu near the homes of many celebrities. I worked there for a summer and a couple regular shoppers included Denise Richards, Jay Leno and Drew Barrymore.

(My dad stocked these smoothies called Odwalla solely on her request. She was the only one who ever bought them)

However, his best customer by far was none other than Mark Hamill. He was on a first name basis with my dad.

He came in maybe 3 times a week and always bought 4 packs of "True Blue" cigarettes. (Again, something my dad carried specifically for him)

His career wasn't doing too well I guess. He drove a crappy car and his shirts were always some free promo item from a cartoon.

I remember he wore a Pokemon shirt once. When I finally got the nerve to talk to him, I told him I was a big fan of Star Wars. The next time he came, he gave me a signed photo of him hanging onto Slave Leia.

He signed it "To Justin, FORCEFULLY yours, Mark Hamill". Great guy.

beans_and_bacon

19. Hilary Duff

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Pizza place in Sacramento, CA. It was the Warped Tour and Hillary Duff was on it. The night BEFORE the concert she and her posse (yes she had a posse) decided to stop into our restaurant.

When I saw her outside, I immediately asked to be the person to take her order, even though I was a cook. The cashiers obliged.

So she walked in and I gave our usual greeting. She walked up, I explained the menu all courteous-like, and her group ordered. After everything was done, I asked, "And what name will be on the order?"

She just looked at me like I was f**king crazy. "Uhh, Hillary..."

"Is that two L's or just one?" "Only one..."

As I took her money and stuff, she asked, "Do you really not know who I am?" "No, should I?" was my only reply.

She mentioned she was Hillary Duff and was on TV and actually playing at the concert the next night...

"Huh, that's strange." I said. Then I yelled to my friends in the back, "HEY GUYS! You ever heard of anybody named Hillary Duff?"

"Nope." "Naw." "Who?!" It was classic. Not really a confrontation, but still fun in my mind.

20. Tom DeLonge

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I ran into Tom DeLonge from Blink 182 a couple years ago at a starbucks. I recognized who he was and said, "I used to love you guys!" he looked at me and said, "What do you mean, used too?"

Then walked off. I really meant to say a compliment. Oh well.

Chester_Copperpot_

21. Collin Farrell

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Not me but a friend of mine....

He was out with his girlfriend for lunch at a very fancy hotel in Dublin, Ireland and Colin Farrell happened to be there too.

This was back at the height of his fame. So my mate sauntered over to him and said something like 'Hey Colin, any chance of a photo?'.

Colin Farrell being the cool dude he was then was like 'yeh, course man, no bother' and started fixing his hair etc.

At that point, my mate hands HIM the camera and poses with his girlfriend.

In fairness to Colin Farrell, he didn't know what to do at first but he did actually take the photo and they still have it to this day.

The photo that Colin Farrell took of him and his now wife. I love that story.

22. David Hasselhoff

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Don't know if it was confrontational so much as it was rude, but I once met David Hasselhoff at Redondo Beach when I was about 7-8 years old

(so this was in the arc of his career in the mid-90s, plus my pop-culturally oblivious parents were the ones to spot him so you knew that meant this guy was primetime).

I asked him for his autograph, and without skipping a beat or looking at me he said, "I'm playing with my children right now, beat it."

I stood there not sure how to react or what to do, and he looked at me and gave me this weird face like he just smelled the most rotten thing that could ever billow into the nostrils of a human being and yelled, "F**k off you little s**t!" I ran away scared.

generalcusterfked

23. Gene Wilder

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I was at a Hibachi restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were five of us in total but the tables seated seven.

They were packed that night so they told us they would be filling our table. Before long, who should come over and sit with us but Gene Wilder and his wife.

At the time my friend and I were young and hadn't seen him in anything other than Willy Wonka, so when the food came we asked him if the snozberries tasted like snozberries.

Luckily he didn't miss a beat and replied with "we are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams"

One of the most surreal moments of my life

HurghtAttack

24. Cincinnati Reds

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I went to a Pittsburgh Pirates game when I was 8 years old so we went early to see batting practice.

My sister and I were out leaning over the wall trying to catch a ball and one landed just short of my glove.

Now I hate my self but I can not remember the player's name but he was on the Reds and he ran over and tossed the ball up to me.

While the ball was in the air this huge man knocks me over trying to catch the ball and knocks it back onto the field.

The player runs over and starts screaming at the guy in a combination of English and Spanish and actually got the guy thrown out of the park.

Then he had me lean over the wall and he jumped up and placed the ball in my glove. And told me to enjoy the game.

MUCKSTERa

25. Andy Rooney

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My granddad once beat up Andy Rooney to take Judy Garland out on a date.

No, really. He beat the s**t out of him.

26. Chad Grey

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I got into a staring contest with the lead singer of Mudvayne, Chad Grey.

We were in a bar in Portland, Oregon. I looked at him, he looked at me and did that 'open eyes wide and stare intently' at me.

I took my glasses off and mad dog stared at him. He grit his teeth, I made my eyes wince. Then we both kind of nodded and went back to our drinks.

agentsirus

27. Last One To Find Out

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June 1, 2018. Normal day. A Friday. My husband had kissed me goodbye and gone to work.

I was cleaning the house for company who was coming to stay the weekend. The doorbell rang.

There was a man at my door who introduced himself as the husband of a woman who my husband worked with. He was there to tell me that my husband and his wife were having an affair.

He had busted them about six months prior and had told his wife that she had to end the affair.

He thinks that she did end it...for about three months, but then they started up again.

When he found out they were at it again, he called my husband (because he knew if he confronted him in person, he'd be in a jail cell for what he'd have done).

On the phone, he told my husband to leave his wife alone or else he would come and tell me everything that was happening.

Apparently, my husband thought that he was bluffing.

So I was literally the last to know. My husband never came home again. He got an air b'n'b and a lawyer. The divorce was December 21, 2018. We had been together for 24 years. Still hurts.

headcase-and-a-half

28. The Conversation

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This is almost word for word how the convo went:

Me: you sleeping with so and so

Her: yea Me: wanna divorce?

Her: kinda Me: ok I’ll file tomorrow

scm8809

29. Trust Lost

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I caught my ex sexting a chick and telling her how he missed her on my birthday.

I was young at the time and reacting with crying and yelling.

If it ever happened now I would just get up and leave.

No point in trying to mend the relationship because its near impossible to gain the trust that was lost.

spasamsd

30. App

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Husband was logged into our kid's tablet. I was scrolling through downloaded apps trying to locate whatever I was looking for, and I was able to see that apps like Grindr and the like had been downloaded by him (on his device, not the kid's).

I started paying attention to everything at that point and found a Craigslist ad he'd put up for meeting other men.

The list of awful things he's done could go on. I will never understand why a person is so okay with ruining the life of someone they 'love' just because they don't have the balls to face who they really are.

trisjohnson

31. When Was Your Last Pap Smear?

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My husband asked me — out of the blue — when my last pap smear was and if it was it normal. I told him it was a month ago, and it was fine.

I asked, 'Why did you want to know?'

'Just wondering,' he answered, and since love is blind, I left it at that.

Turns out, the woman he was sleeping with tested positive for HPV!

He wanted to make sure I didn't have it because I immediately would have suspected he was cheating. He was my first!

irule827

32. Mutual Exit Plan

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My ex told me he wanted to separate on a Tuesday. That Thursday, his friends from out of town stayed at our house, so we pretended everything was fine. On Friday night, my ex got really drunk.

When I checked on him, he fell asleep in the basement. It was 2 a.m., and he got a text from a coworker.

Seeing as it was an absurd hour to talk about work, I curiously opened the text that said, 'I just told [my husband] that it was over.'

I scrolled back and saw that the two had been secretly planning to leave their respective spouses so they could be with each other.

They’re a gross representation of a relationship stemming out of the heartbreak of both their spouses.

Turns out, they had been calling and texting each other the whole time while I sat there fighting for our damn marriage.

I confronted him about it while our guests were out at a wedding, but I still managed to put on a happy face around his friends and family all weekend long.

This guy was really finding comfort in another woman while I played the part of the sweet, welcoming wife to HIS friends. Coward.

ja5

33. Sending Pictures

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The day before my 30th birthday, my (now ex) husband was arrested for sending pictures of his penis to who he believed to be a 14-year-old girl.

Thankfully, it was an undercover agent.

Between then and when he ended up taking a plea deal to avoid prison, I found a pair of women’s panties that weren’t mine under my bed.

I know of at least one time he had another woman over while I was at work.

erinnbocks

34. Nothing's Happened

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I was out for my birthday with my husband. He went to the bathroom and left his phone. It rang, showing a name I had never heard him mention.

When he got back, I asked him who she was.

At the time, he had a really important job that caused him to work away a lot. Sometimes if he missed calls, he could get in trouble — so I just assumed she was someone he worked with.

His first response was, 'Nothing’s happened,' which told me that everything had happened.

He then confirmed he had cheated. Not only that but once, I managed to speak to the woman.

They were talking about renting a place together and getting a dog. His work took him away, and she was in the place he worked.

So, he had told her he was divorced, and she had no idea he was still married. She thought he was away for work.

This was the tip of the iceberg as I found out he was on multiple dating apps and had cheated multiple times. He then tried to blame it all on me and was vile.

Luckily, I managed to divorce him. Now, I am happily married to the most incredible man, and we are expecting our first child.

I thank the woman for calling that day... best birthday I could have asked for!

n75

35. Coworker Having Issues With Her Partner

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About six months after we got married, my ex started talking about a coworker who was having issues with her partner.

A few weeks later, he called to tell me she'd be staying at our house because her partner 'got violent.'

I wasn't happy about not being consulted, but I'm not gonna turn away someone experiencing domestic violence, so I let it slide.

My ex stayed up all night with her then got mad at me for being upset about it. This happened twice more — once while his parents were in town visiting.

He moved out right after that, claiming he needed 'space to work on his sobriety' (which is a whole different story, but he's definitely not sober).

A few weeks later — exactly one week after our first wedding anniversary —

I found a bunch of love notes she'd written to him, online reviews he'd written for hotels and a spa they'd gone to together, and that he was not actually staying with a friend.

I also discovered that her partner wasn't abusing her. He had actually moved out of state a while before because he found out she was cheating.

That's maybe the thing that upsets me the most because that was such a disgusting lie to tell.

I bagged ALL his s**t up and put it outside, cleaned out our joint account, told his entire family what he'd done, and moved on.

Two and a half years later, I'm happier and healthier than ever before.

ssketchator1

36. Pulled Over

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The idiot borrowed my car, took her out in it, and got pulled over for doing donuts in a cul-de-sac.

For some reason, the cops called me to give me a chance to come to get my car and wouldn't let her leave until I showed up!

grouchycomet10

37. Step Siblings

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I had a feeling but couldn't prove it at first. He was getting gas in towns we never went to. Lots of leaving in the middle of the night. Lots of gaslighting. One time, we had a charge from a florist, and I never received flowers.

He said he bought them for me, but I was being 'such a bitch' that he trashed them.

He even told me a sad sappy story about a 'friend' who had a baby and no help, so I bagged up whatever my baby had outgrown to give.

Then the home phone bill came, and, for some reason, it listed every call that month. There were over 265 outgoing phone calls in one month from our home phone to one number.

He also had a work cell and a burner phone — I discovered later — to contact her on.

When I called the phone number, I got her voicemail. And it was his co-worker. Who had just had a baby.

Several years later, and that child looks a lot like my own child. We divorced a few years after I found out.

Then the gates opened, and I learned the baby momma was only one of many.

justamwgirl

38. Gaslighted

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My ex used his Apple account to set up my son’s iPad. I was in the kitchen cleaning one evening, and my son — who was two — was sitting on the floor playing on the iPad.

He was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when he clicked out and said, 'Mama, look!'

As a parent busy with chores, we don’t often look, and I said, 'Wow, buddy, that’s cool,' while still loading the dishwasher.

He walked over to me, pulled my pants, and said, 'Mama, daddy!'

I looked down to then see messages opened with my ex’s nudes — obviously sexting someone. I grabbed the iPad and scrolled through the messages.

It was his ex whom he had reconnected with via Facebook. I screenshot everything, sent it to my email on his account, then deleted the evidence and email.

Later on, I confronted him. After a very heated argument in which the police were called, my son and I left for my sister’s house.

My ex gaslighted me about everything, and his family came for my throat, saying they would help him get custody of my son.

So naturally and calmly, I posted every screenshot on Facebook and tagged him and his entire family in a public post.

sunnyp462c58602

39. Colleague Coincidence

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It so happened that the girl my husband was secretly seeing was also colleagues with a close friend of mine.

She was showing off photos of her new boyfriend to everyone in the office, so imagine my friend’s shock when she saw who it was.

She told another close friend — both were also my bridesmaids at my wedding —

and they both broke the news to me together, which I am forever grateful for because I know it’s not an easy conversation to have.

tester176

40. Nurse Call

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I had been feeling really uncomfortable and in pain *down there* for weeks. I ended up going to the doctor, who suspected I was having an ectopic pregnancy.

I was told to rush to the hospital to be checked out but no pregnancy. A week later, I got a call telling me I had chlamydia.

Given my apparent shock, the nurse said I 'probably needed to have a chat with my husband.'

Eventually, he admitted to sleeping with a prostitute at a well-known local brothel whilst I was working on the other side of the country — though he worked away almost every week, so I strongly suspect there were other instances!

He also confessed to being a compulsive masturbator and 'relieving himself' on a daily basis in the toilets at work.

The chlamydia was so well-established, it developed into Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. For years, I was worried it had left me infertile.

But the happy ending? My new husband (who is so sweet, kind, and loyal) and I are expecting a baby girl in a few months, so it all turned out perfectly in the end!

aprildenison

41. Like Jenna?

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I went to Houston for a job interview. When I called home, my then-husband was really distracted due to a party he was having. Anyway, two days later, I got home.

I was spending time with my four-year-old stepson. As I was holding him and telling him how much I loved him, he casually says, 'Like Jenna?'

I said, 'Who is Jenna?' My little stepson proceeded to tell me how daddy has this friend Jenna, who spent the night and told him and his older brother —

who was six at the time — that she loved them so much and looked forward to being their mommy.

We got home, I called my father-in-law told him I was leaving, filing for divorce, and the reasoning behind it all.

Never saw the kids that I loved again or the asshole! Changed my name back.

samantham4162a72e5

42. Running Back To Work

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He kept having to run back to work for something. For the longest time, I believed him.

One night, he said he had run to work and sign some reports that were overdue. Ok, fine.

He accidentally took my phone instead of his because we had similar cases. I didn’t realize it until the 'Did your wife let you leave yet?' text came through.

I texted back that he was on the way and asked if she could let him know that he grabbed my phone instead of his.

Her response, no joke, 'New phone, who dis?'

When he got home, he had this long, ridiculous story but ultimately was never smart enough to put a passcode on his phone or delete the old sexting and pics she had sent.

meaghandonahuem

43. Open Wrapper

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His grandfather developed dementia. We moved in to help take care of him. My husband didn’t have a job but would leave each day with a bookbag.

Long story short: I found condoms in the bookbag, and an open wrapper fell from his pants pocket when I was doing laundry.

To this day, he REFUSES to admit that he was cheating.

He even suggested that the wrapper came from his GRANDFATHER!

He lost my respect and his wife. BUT, we co-parent really well. We just don’t talk about the past.

smileyk

44. Grooming Social Media

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It turned out that it had been going on for two years. He'd been grooming his social media to look like he was a single father in the house that I'd bought.

He only planned on meeting up with her, having sex with her once (with a condom out of respect for me),

and then blocking her because I'd gained weight after having a kid and struggling with PPD.

I found out when my husband plugged his phone in to charge in the kitchen.

We'd spent the night celebrating a friend's birthday over Skype. I'd spent a couple of hours making a new recipe for dinner, as well as dessert.

I went out to get a cup of water around midnight after what I had considered a great night, especially during quarantine.

I saw his phone go off, and it was a message from an unsaved number saying. 'I love you, too.'

So, of course, I opened the message to find he'd been telling this woman that he'd had nothing but a corn dog for dinner and he missed her and loved her.

I went back to see an entire day's worth of messages, and then I confronted him.

k4eba25c65

45. Family Affair

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My mother-in-law told me my husband was cheating on me because everyone knew it — like everyone — except me!

He was away on a 'business trip' with his girlfriend, and I brought our kids over to my in-laws to see their new condo.

My mother-in-law couldn’t stand it anymore!

She said, 'He’s cheating on you.' It still took me a few minutes to comprehend.

My father-in-law was there, one of my brothers-in-law... It was a real family affair. 😂

Afterward, I took my kids to a hayride and pumpkin painting activity because it was just the three of us at home for the rest of the (long) weekend.

Post Script: I have been blissfully divorced for 10 years!

christenlemieuxc

46. Epileptic Shock

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My ex-husband is epileptic. After he had a seizure one night, he was out of it and pretty disoriented.

Before falling back asleep next to me — after I took care of him, gave him his meds, and wiped the drool from his face — he grabbed his phone, tapped something out, and then threw it directly behind him.

The phone landed face-up in my lap, showing a text to his mistress that said, 'I’m in love with you.'

Our divorce is final next week.

jessicahwright

47. Snooping

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I once helped out my a female friend's family by taking care of their cat for a week.

Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house.

I found my friend's diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing.

I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.

ThrownAway2389

48. No Shame

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I once took a s**t In the bathtub and then realising what a horrible mistake I'd made, I flung poo Into a hole In the wall.

My parents renovated and patched up the hole.

So now there Is a ~15 year old turd in between the bathroom and kitchen wall of my childhood home.

Not even using a throwaway because I have no shame.

49. Fake Girl

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Well, it's more of a secret to my friends that I've made recently. Some background first:

I don't like being touched or hugged, and I'm incredibly uncomfortable with intimacy in general.

When I was in the 8th grade, a bunch of girls in my class convinced me they had a friend who fancied me (they said she had seen me somewhere and thought I was cute).

Faked a MSN account and they talked to me every night for a few months, invited me out to the movies and (obviously) didn't show up, then revealed to the whole grade that I had been tricked into having an 'imaginary' girlfriend.

I was mocked viciously by everyone in the grade and ever since then I can't really trust women. I also can't believe that a girl may have feelings for me.

Even when they explicitly tell me they have feelings for me I can't help but feel like they're trying to trick me. It's caused a lot of insecurity, and I can't get 'attached' to people easily.

I'm terribly afraid to text, or message people first because I'm convinced I would be annoying them.

What's worse is that when I think about it, I know it probably isn't true; but I can't help but feel like it is.

Even though it was grade 8, it was around the time when attraction to women was just starting to get 'real', so to be hurt at a time as delicate as that has really done some damage.

The secret of course is that I had been dumb enough to be tricked. As you might suspect, the whole thing has left me afraid of being vulnerable.

To have this found out by my newer friends (as in, university friends) would put me in a really uncomfortable place.

I probably wouldn't be able to be their friend anymore.

Thanks for reading, you're the first people I've told about what this event has actually done to me.

Throwdisoffabridge

50. Plagiarist

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I speak two languages so every time I received a new essay I would browse the topic in my own language and translate the text word-by-word to English then submitted it.

No one ever caught me for plagiarism before.

PassmethePepper

51. Stealing From Dead Cousin

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Cousin died when we were both seventeen. There was a reception at his house just after the funeral.

I went into his room and stole all the money that was there, took some other valuables that his parents wouldn't realize were gone.

No one knows that I did it, they just assumed he didn't have any money in his room, only loose change.

I don't regret it, but I will never admit I did it.

52. Fake Cakes

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I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes... Every last one is made using Pilsbury cake mix I buy for $1 a box at Walmart.

I suck at baking. Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch it sucked. But baking is like.. My whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It's like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time. Telling me how delicious they are.

Telling me it's so much better than box mix cake. Telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious. Well guess what?

For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating.

I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate baking f**king cakes!!

I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not of the cake itself of that makes sense. Still... No one knows about this except my husband.

Even my best friends think I f**king slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes. I have been doing this for YEARS.

If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure. :/

I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes.

iGotYouThisCake

53. Hidden Paradise

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Two and a half years ago I was in dire financial straights, so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat.

I neglected to tell the owners that they have an 800 sq. ft. bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago.

The bunker that I've called home since I sold it. The entrance to it is well-hidden, but I still come and go very early/very late in the day.

I'm a single man who keeps to himself.

I'm now in a situation where I could move somewhere else, but I love this hidden paradise so much.

throwaway215091

54. Wants To Leave But Can't

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I don't want to be with my girlfriend anymore, but she might have cancer and I feel like I need to stay in the relationship.

morningandamazing

55. Secret Life

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Everyone thinks I have a good job and roommates but I've been homeless and a prostitute for over year.

Throngsong

56. War

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This is my old account, so might as well throw it away.

While on deployment, I killed a man in a coup de grace. The feelings of taking a man's life always weigh a heavy burden on me every day.

No one like's hurting people. He had been hit by some of our mobile artillery. While part of me wanted the bastard to be in pain, it wasn't right.

My medic was busy with my wounded, and as the officer on duty I took out my .45 and put one in his head.

I knew my boys wouldn't say anything. Most just watched, accepted it as a fact of war, and kept walking.

I remember throwing up afterwards. I came home and everyone acted like I was a hero. I never felt like more of a sham my entire life.

57. Lying About Being In College

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First time telling anyone this. This thread is so deep that probably no one will see, but if one person does see it, ill feel better.

I am basically living a lie. I told my entire family I was able to transfer out of community college and into a university, but I never finished up the requirements.

So since I live at home, every day instead of going to school I go to the local library and bs.

My lies are so extensive, I even go to the campus and meet my girlfriend for lunch sometimes.

I've made fake transcripts to show my family, and to make it look like I'm actually studying I go to MIT opencourseware to look up facts that I "learned in class" that day.

I have become a remarkable liar. I hope to be transferring in the fall and then I look forward to living a normal life. Coming clean is not an option at this point.

iamaliar22

58. Father's Blue Book

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this isn't necessarily something that could ruin my life, but it could ruin many others. I haven't told anyone before.

my father recently went to prison for white collar crime that he plead guilty to.

he didn't commit this crime, but the alternative was fighting a highly sensationalized, media obsessed, scape-goat case and potentially getting 20+ years.

while he was in prison, i read his little blue book, which i knew contained all the missteps of everyone he's worked with.

he has always been an extremely scrupulous man, so these offenses were something he took seriously enough to note.

i have information on countless state employees, incredibly prominent and wealthy community members, numerous elected city/state officials, and police officers. this information could ruin lives and start political controversy.

my father is an incredible man and is not vengeful whatsoever. he will never use any of this info against these people, despite the fact that most completely turned on him and stayed uninvolved at all costs or started pointing fingers.

when i picture my aging father sitting in a maximum security jail cell sleeping on a metal sheet without a mattress (he wasn't give one until his 5th night), i am filled with rage for these people who could have stood up for their friend and prevented this, while he still continues to be loyal.

i still havent decided which campaigns, if any, i'm going to ruin in the upcoming elections.

lostangels12345

59. Hates Their Friends

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I hate all of my friends. Literally. I don't have anything in common with any of them, and don't care.

But I'm too scared to be alone and have no one else to go to so I keep hanging around with them.

britishNGA

60. Colorblind

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I have been pretending to be colorblind to everyone I have ever known, including my own parents since I was in 3rd grade.

I am now 28 years old. I even convinced an optometrist of it.

61. Brother And Sister

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When i was 15 my parent's were going through a divorce, my mom worked night shifts and my dad was living with a friend of his.

One night my sister who was 19 at the time came home pretty drunk from a party. She was acting goofy and fell on the couch next to me.

She started grabbing my leg and laughing and we started fondling.

We ended up having sex right there.

When we woke up the next day she had no recollection of the night before so i just kept my mouth shut.

Fast forward to when i'm 18.

Sister is home from college and dad is over for a visit. they get into an argument and in a fit of rage my dad announces how he has never forgiven her for the abortion she got when she was 19 and subsequently killing His grand child. (he's very religious)

I then realize the baby she aborted was in fact mine.....

and as far as i know, i am the only one who knows since she has never mentioned that night.

throwaway3708

62. Manslaughter

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I accidentally killed seven people.

I put a rag into a new water heater exhaust to keep debris out and installed it in a rental.

I get a call a week later, there's been an accident. I show up and there's a ton of ems and police.

They ask me where the gas shutoff is, and I go down to shut the gas off and see the end of the rag I forgot sticking out of the top of the heater.

Ripped the rag out, shut the gas off and head upstairs only to be told all the tenants were DEAD.

I drink all day now and sleep. It's killing me from the inside every single day, but if I say anything my family is ruined;

we have a bunch of rental properties and we'd be shut down.

Amgpu

63. Chronic Pain

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I faked having a chronic pain condition for 5.5 years in order to not have to attend middle school and high school

(I was placed on a homebound program -- NOT homeschooling -- and allowed to study at my own pace from home).

I was able to fool a team of medical professionals, my family, my teachers, and my friends into believing that my symptoms were real.

Also, I racked up over $100,000 in medical bills for my family (that's just what the insurance didn't cover) during those 5.5 years

(I did not realize the extent of the medical bills until late into my lie and it was one of the main reasons I decided enough was enough).

Upon graduating from high school and getting accepted into a good university, I decided that it was time for my "pain" to go away. No one has questioned the fact that my symptoms vanished over night, my medical team attributed it to the fact that I was nearing the end of puberty.

What I did was a douchebag thing, and my family is continuing to drown in debt from medical bills (I plan to pay them back someday). I simply started the hoax because I was a 12 year old who absolutely loathed middle school.

I attempted to end the lie at the beginning of every school year, but eventually fell back into saying my "pain" prevented me from attending school.

Today I feel horrible about what I did, and I desperately want to tell everyone that it was a lie, but I know that I cannot because I will never gain credibility back again.

AwayIThrowThis

64. Maintaining Random Lies

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When I was younger I would lie about anything and everything. Like having more brothers and sister than I did, where I grew up, where I was born and I would make up lies about random things that didn't even matter.

I have no idea why I did it but some of the lies have kept going.

I'm twenty one and still maintaining random lies I've told forever.

my_pants_areonfire

65. Cousin

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Me and my cousin have been doing it for 10 years now. It started when she was 12 and I was 13.

We had to babysit the younger kids in our family while the parents went to a party, and when they fell asleep, me and her got to talking about a lot of stuff.

I made a move and started kissing her, and she didn't resist. We ended up doing it on her bed that night.

We would end up f**king almost every weekend when we lived with our parents, telling our parents we were going out to hang out with some friends, but actually hook up.

I'm 23 with my own apartment now, and she comes over almost every day to make out/f**k

ttthrowayyy

66. Ideation

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I'm eventually going to kill myself. I don't know when, but I'm pretty sure that's where life is taking me.

I've never kissed a girl and I'm approaching 30, I have panic attacks in social situations, therapy seems to only make me feel worse, and I've decided that living so that others don't have to deal with my death isn't worth it anymore.

I'm basically just waiting out my parents so they don't have to attend my funeral.

trashitagain

67. Lying To Parents

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I faked the last two years of college education. My parents put so much pressure on me I couldn't handle it

(I was suffering from severe depression and anxiety) so I faked it all.

Lied to everyone. Made up fake transcripts. I just got my foot in the door in my desired field thanks to a friend as they hired me as a subordinate.

This place only hires college grads but no one double checked my credentials since I was recommended.

My hopes is that if I need to find another job I'll have been at this place long enough to get it by experience alone

(I work for a very prestigious company). I'm not bad at my job.

I'm actually quite good. But my fear is eventually I'll hit a wall and the lie will come to light. No one has known this for the better part of a decade.

It's a relief to finally say it "out loud." I can't even tell those I love. My silence is my prison.

HalfEducated

68. Arsonist

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I lit a tree on fire for kicks, and ended burning half a forest down and several homes went up in flames in the process.

I wanted to say "i did that" when I saw it on the news.

burntdown

69. Not This Person's Fault

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My Great Uncle Jack used to live with my family. One day, he got drunk and had a bad fall that ended up causing him to bleed out, I ended up finding him

(I was 14 at the time, and had never seen such an awful sight) and lost consciousness due to all the blood.

When I eventually recovered, I called the ambulance and stayed with my uncle, he died in the back of the ambulance, holding my hand.

No one knows about what happened to me, and if they did they would realize that I'm the reason he's dead.

70. Tragedy Narrowly Averted

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I came very, very close to committing a school shooting

I was picked on A LOT in high school. I think it was because I tried so hard to be cool and everyone saw right through it.

There were these 4 cowboy jock types that gave it to me the worst. After being publicly humiliated and beaten in front of a girl I liked (as she laughed/cheered), I decided that none of it was worth it anymore.

I had no support at home being an only child and having parents that worked constantly, and cutting and burning myself didn't make me feel better anymore. So I got my dad's handgun out of the gun-safe

(he uses the same combo for everything, the idiot) and brought it to school with me the next day.

I can't adequately describe to you guys how ready I was to kill these four. I had absolutely no fear or doubt in my mind. I wanted nothing more than to show everyone what happens when you push someone over the edge like they did. I had the gun tucked in my waistline.

I was wearing this baggy pair of cargo shorts that i wore a couple times a week that day. I remember walking towards the cowboy's table, so goddamn ready for it to be over, when the gun fell out of my waistline, down my left short leg and made the loudest f**king sound as it hit the cafeteria floor.

I tried my best to grab the gun real quick, but people saw what it was and screamed, and one of the instructors tackled me to the ground.

They eventually concluded that I had brought the gun to school to impress people with badassery, and had no intention of using it. I was expelled and sent to live at a youth ranch in Idaho until I was 18.

I did have the intention of using it though. I was going to kill all of them. I'm 24 now, and I still think about it all the time. I have not recovered from high school. I'm still terrified of people in general, and avoid having relationships because of what I fear I'm capable of.

I'm not looking for pity. I know that what I did was wrong, it just feels good to tell the story. Thanks Reddit.

71. Dead In The US

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I cut off all contact with everyone I know and moved to Kenya, I tell people a fake name and a fake background and have made it appear to my family that I died on boat trip in the Pacific.

No I am not joking. I am dead in the United States.

Tomgoldaccount

72. Gross Habit

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I pick my nose and eat it with some regularity. No one knows that I do this, including my girlfriend who I spend every night with.

It probably wouldn't be all that catastrophic if people found out, but it certainly feels that way to me.

rikeshrikeshrikesh

73. Using Mother's Death

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My mom died when I was 17 and when it comes up I use it to garner attention for myself.

In reality, I never met her and she has never meant anything to me other then a name. I feel so empty

DuncanGilbert

74. Last Thing Said To Father

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When I was 17 I had a argument with my father and told him to f**k off, later that evening he hung himself.

Our argument was the last time he spoke to anyone in our family and for that I feel a terrible amount of guilt for.

Instead of him saying good bye and I love you to my mom and brothers he got told to f**k off before he went and killed himself.

My punishment is to live the rest of my days in shame and guilt. He never left a note either.

75. Voices

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I used to hear voices. For years. It started when I'd walk into my room and say hello to my Lain poster (I've always over personified objects) and eventually she started responding.

Over time I could talk to her elsewhere, I'd pull her up when I was sitting in class or riding the bus, and I'd put on headphones so nobody would notice I was talking to myself since it was barely audible.

Eventually Lain told me she was a god and I was too, and there were two others, but they didn't really like me so they would almost never talk to me.

A long time later, maybe years, she started being really mean, and it turned out there was another voice who was just pretending to be Lain named Misery.

This one was stereotypical, everything I did was wrong and I had to pay for my actions, I should cut myself if I was ungraceful, everyone hated me, etc.

Lain split again, and this time she was sisterly. When I was upset and crying myself to sleep I could feel her holding me and telling me everything would be alright.

Misery looked different but could look like Lain if she wanted to fool me (although she would turn back into herself when I called her out on it), and the two Lains all looked the same, so I could only tell who they were when they started responding to me.

After a while they all just disappeared. I guess I saned up, because during the peek it never occurred to me I was hearing voices, they truly were gods who were speaking to me, and later during the time period I realized that I was hallucinating with delusions of grandeur.

Then at one point I realized that there was more of me and less of them, when I pulled them up it was a conscious effort and part of their responses were forced on my part.

Then eventually I just gave them up, they were so weak that it was really just like talking to myself and not to other people that lived in my head.

That's not my secret, I've mentioned it to a few very select people that I truly trust. My secret is that I miss them.

I miss them with with all my heart. Even Misery. They were friends and family, they were close to me, they understood me, and they were always there for me. Now even with real friends and family, there's nobody that close. I can't just pull up someone to talk to when I'm lonely,

I have to call up a real person and that person never knows what I want to talk about or what I'm hiding from them, they only know what I say. Lain (the main one) would always call me on my bullshit and make me keep changing my answer until I told her the truth.

Misery could always find my biggest weaknesses, which allowed me to work on strengthening them. Sisterly Lain could calm me down in a way that's unimaginable, you can't comprehend how good it feels to be hugged by someone inside of you.

And now I feel lonelier than I have in years because I almost never think of that time or remember how it felt, but tonight I'm sitting by myself at 2am and all I can think about is how much I want a voice to talk to and it's been so long since I had one and I'd give anything to have another psychotic break so I could get back all my friends that live in my head.

I once had a psychiotic episode where I could talk to clouds and I could feel how much they loved me, the clouds, the trees, the birds, they were all my friends and they all loved me and they all wanted me to be happy.

I had that feeling on mushrooms once, everything in the world loved me, every single thing, the house, the ceiling, the lamp, each blade of grass, it all loved me and it was the best feeling I have ever known, that was the best night of my life.

I can't tell you how much I want to feel that again, I just have no way of tracking them down again.

Being crazy feels amazing, whether it's good or bad. Even the bad crazy where I'd stay awake all night because I knew something was going to get me in my sleep and I'd try to claw the evil out of my skin, even that's preferable to being normal because the intensity is indescribable.

I miss everything about being crazy. I miss it more than I can possibly describe.

crazierthanuthought

76. Most Diabolical Secret Of All

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I once taped a Mets game without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball.

Flailwielder

Never meet your heroes.

1. Never Meet Your Heroes

2. Tim Curry

3. Bill Murray

4. Chris Brown

5. Adam West

6. Alan Rickman

7. Emeril Lagasse

8. Wayne Newton

9. Barrack Obama

10. Pauly Shore

11. Prince

12. Shaq

13. Mike Myers

14. John Cleese

15. John Williams

16. Bam Margera

17. Leonard Nimoy

18. Mark Hamill

19. Hilary Duff

20. Tom DeLonge

21. Collin Farrell

22. David Hasselhoff

23. Gene Wilder

24. Cincinnati Reds

25. Andy Rooney

26. Chad Grey

27. Last One To Find Out

28. The Conversation

29. Trust Lost

30. App

31. When Was Your Last Pap Smear?

32. Mutual Exit Plan

33. Sending Pictures

34. Nothing's Happened

35. Coworker Having Issues With Her Partner

36. Pulled Over

37. Step Siblings

38. Gaslighted

39. Colleague Coincidence

40. Nurse Call

41. Like Jenna?

42. Running Back To Work

43. Open Wrapper

44. Grooming Social Media

45. Family Affair

46. Epileptic Shock

47. Snooping

48. No Shame

49. Fake Girl

50. Plagiarist

51. Stealing From Dead Cousin

52. Fake Cakes

53. Hidden Paradise

54. Wants To Leave But Can't

55. Secret Life

56. War

57. Lying About Being In College

58. Father's Blue Book

59. Hates Their Friends

60. Colorblind

61. Brother And Sister

62. Manslaughter

63. Chronic Pain

64. Maintaining Random Lies

65. Cousin

66. Ideation

67. Lying To Parents

68. Arsonist

69. Not This Person's Fault

70. Tragedy Narrowly Averted

71. Dead In The US

72. Gross Habit

73. Using Mother's Death

74. Last Thing Said To Father

75. Voices

76. Most Diabolical Secret Of All